


Dear Connor Murphy

by Theatremania



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor Murphy Lives (Dear Evan Hansen), Dear Evan Hansen References, Evan Hansen Deserves Happiness, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:40:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatremania/pseuds/Theatremania
Summary: Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen go wayyy back. Connor tries to Kill Himself, but spoiler! He survives so yay happy endingBut this may be triggering so please if you feel like you shouldn't read this don't. Although it has a happy ending there's still some stuff in the middle of my story's that can be a bit triggering or over whelming.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Kudos: 19





	Dear Connor Murphy

Connor Murphy,

He’s my bestfriend and well… my only friend nobody seemed to notice me or cared to say “hey Hansen how've you been”. But I mean who could blame them. I was the freak that couldn't even stick around long enough for a normal conversation. Last summer I broke my arm of course I told everyone I fell out of the tree. I couldn't dare choke up the truth on what really happened. I mean how could I? I could never put someone in that position. 

First day of school my head was being shoved in the toilet seat again by my former bullies, nothing new. Although something new happened. Connor saw me getting the shit beat out of and he came rushing over across the bathroom.  
He yelled “what the fuck are you guys doing to him!”  
For some reason people were scared of Connor. I mean he weighed like 110 pounds, if that. And was pretty scrawny. But he always had this intimidating look on his face that kind of gave everyone the chills. The two guys stopped and while on their way out one of them said “freak” under his breath. 

Connor ignored it. After all he was used to being called the freak, the loser, the stoner. He came over and helped me up. I had a gash on my forehead and my lip was bleeding. He asked if I wanted to go to the nurse. I quickly said no. I couldn't let my mom know that this was happening to me. So instead we just skipped the rest of school. Our campus has no walls or gates. They for some reason think that's gonna help build trust.  
So we left and ended up going to his house. His dad was at work and his mom was going to run errands all day. And of course Zoe was at school. Because well Zoe cares about college and getting good grades and all that. Not that I don't. I just couldn't take anymore today...

Me and Connor went upstairs and he went into his dresser and pulled out a waxpen.  
“ What Hansen you never smoked” I look at him then to the ground realizing I really have never had a wild great highschool experience.  
“Hey i'm sorry… I didn't mean it like that. I just thought you must have smoked at least once. I mean after all you are a senior.”  
No no i know i just never had anyone to do it with and I wouldn't want to do it alone.  
Connor looks at me and says  
“Well then today is your lucky day. Here just hold the button down and inhale.”  
I did.  
I did exactly as he said and I first said hey this isn't as bad as i thought then i realized what the hell i just did. I start coughing and gasping for my life.  
Connor looks at me laughing like it's the funniest thing on earth.  
“Damn, it really is your first time smoking.”  
I look at him, Connor how the hell do you like this?!  
He looks at me Inhales for nearly a whole minute. “ Evan watch when it kicks in. You're gonna feel it, believe me and your gonna either feel paranoid as shit or this is gonna be the best moment of your life.

10 minutes later…

I took two hits after the first one when I almost died. And I'm not gonna lie, I thought I pretty much had it down. I didnt cough as much. And to be honest I was feeling a whole lot better. I felt time becoming slower and felt a whole lot calmer than I normally do.  
“So Evan, how you holding up?”  
I look at him  
“ Connor, I'm great, you know you're really a good friend i mean i know this is our first legit time hanging out but damn your a good friend. I felt so alone but then you came and you helped me get up. And get out of the mindset I was in.”  
“Evan, I'm gonna try and not take that to heart because well… A your high as shit right now B nobody has ever said something like that to me. But thank you, Hansen.”

Connor looks at me and then he instantly looks scared and concerned. I took off my jacket. I was way too sweaty to be wearing a jacket still. Except I forgot the marks on my arm.  
“ Evan… your arm, what is that why'd you do that?”  
I looked at him and the only words i seemed to choke out was im sorry im really really sorry.  
Connor looks at his jacket and then takes it off. And then takes off all his bracelets. He turns to me and then shows me his arm the same stuff is on his.  
“ I get how you feel. I know what it's like to not feel heard or seen. But hey we got this.”  
“ Connor I just don't know how much more i can take i mean you saw what those guys did back ther-”  
“I know I saw and I'm gonna make sure it never happens again.”

That was a year ago. That was our first real moment and believe me we had plenty more. One day I was in my room trying to figure out my resume for a job application. And i received a call from connor. I answered it because well he never calls me he normally only texts me.  
I answered concerned he said  
“Hey…. Evan”  
He never really calls me Evan. He normally just calls me Hansen so i started getting worried because i knew something was wrong just by the tone of his voice.  
“ I’m really sorry i know you've been going through some stuff and i don't know. I just feel like I'm just making your stuff worse but just know I love you. I really do you truly were and are my best friend.”  
He ended the call before I could even say anything.  
I rushed over to his house driving as fast as I could. I got out of my car and ran to the front door and bang on the door. Cynthia Murphy answers.  
I never saw her or any of Connors family before. She looks at me confused and kind of ticked off since I was banging so much. She says “ Hello who are you”  
I completely ignored her question and i run up stairs. Cynthia yells “what are you doing”  
I bang on Connors door praying he answers. He doesn't. So I try to open it but it's locked. So I completely throw my body towards the door and finally. it opens. I see Connor on the ground fighting for his life but really wanting to give up. I hear Cynthia gasp. I rush over to him telling her to call 9-1-1.  
Larry helps me get him down stairs the paramedics come and put him in the gurnee and rush him to the hospital.  
Larry and Zoe go in one car. Cynthia and me in the other.  
It was awkward and quiet. I tried my best to choke back the tears but the more I fought them the harder they poured.  
Cynthia tried to make the car ride better.  
“So Evan right?”  
“Yes Evan” I say. My voice is so shaky and tight  
“So how long have you known Connor?”  
Um well we've been going to the same school since middle school. But we started hanging out two years ago during sophomore year.  
“ Oh wow.”  
Cynthia says surprised.  
“He didn’t really mention you. I mean he said he had a friend but he never has really had a friend. He used to have a friend named Miguel but the school found marijuna in Connors locker. After that they stopped hanging ou-”  
It wasn’t Connors weed. I say freaking out realizing what I just said but knowing she should know what really happened  
“What do you mean”  
It was Miguel's weed Connor took the blame for it though since it was in his locker. Miguel wanted to keep it in Connors locker because the school was going to check his locker during lunch.  
The rest of the car ride was pretty quiet other than small talk. And I mean very small talk.  
It’s been over an hour and I'm sitting alone in the corner being a complete mess. I thought he was getting better. I should've seen this, how could I have not seen this. I mean I knew about the cuts on his arm but I thought he stopped. But when I saw him on the floor they looked new. I just wish-  
Connor Murphy's family? Before I could finish the sentence the nurse called the Murphys family. I stay in the corner wanting to go with them but feeling too anxious to say anything. But Cynthia walks up to me and asks if i'd like to go with them.  
“ Are you sure?”  
“I insist”  
As were walking into the hallway of where his room is I started breaking down.  
“What if he’s mad that I found him?”  
I guess I said it under my breath a bit loud because then Cynthia said “ Evan, he won’t be mad. You've helped him fight. He would want you to be here.  
We enter the room. I see him. He's pale but looks better than when I first found him. After Cynthia and Larry talking and Zoe sitting there still trying to process what had happened. They let me and Connor be alone. I look at him not knowing what to really say. He looks at me, suddenly tears flooding his eyes. He grabs me and hugs me. Tighter than i've ever been hugged before.  
We just sit and talk.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read all of it thank you. And if you didn't still thank you for trying. Lol


End file.
